The Annual Post

Hello lovely primal/paleo/clean/mindful eaters!

Since Google killed Google Reader I haven't been getting my notifications of comments awaiting moderation, so my apologies if you've been trying to get in touch. I've posted them all now - thank you so much for the kind words and I love knowing that new people are finding my blog and exploring the recipes along their own journey. It's an absolute joy.

So:

- No, we still haven't renovated the kitchen, so I'm mostly grilling meat and boiling veggies. I'm addicted to sweet potato fries, roast meat and veg from Rhumba's or The Roast Kitchen in Kew, green grapes (out of season now, boo!) and imperial mandarins (in season, hooray!), chai spice tea with a splash of milk, and brie cheese. The year of minimal stove-top cooking has forced me to change my old eating habits, though I still make cauliflower pizza for parties, as well as chicken Caesar salad and maybe some nachos to at least keep my guests from wheat and sugar.

- Yes, I'm still losing weight! My weight hovered around the point I noted last year, and now over the past couple of months I've managed to shave off another 5kg through deliberately limiting any wheat and essentially getting rid of sugar again. I've also been getting more active thanks to my Xbox Kinect and a bevy of games. Tonight I kicked my butt with UFC Personal Trainer - I will be sore tomorrow...

I hope everyone is feeling happier and healthier every day, and that you are following your passions! Blogging is not a passion of mine anymore, though I do miss this community - I'm on Fitocracy as GirlGonePrimal- (had to add the hyphen since someone else is sitting on GirlGonePrimal even though they essentially never use the site, boo!) if you want to get in touch. I'm also on Xbox Live as Jezwyn if you want to try a multiplayer game (I haven't explored playing anything online yet, but I'm game if you are...)

Love your body, love your food, and look after yourself :)

GGP

Touching Base

First up, I want to say thank you to everyone who has left comments and emails over the past - what, year? I have checked in intermittently, usually when I've come back here to check one of my recipes, and it has been nice to see that my efforts to document my Primal journey are still finding an appreciative audience.

Second, I really want to get back into regular cooking, but we bought a house six months ago and the kitchen is HORRIBLE. The oven is even worse than at the old (rental) house and the stove often loses its flame (but not its gas flow, yikes...) so I have really been avoiding my usual fry/saute cooking methods. BBQ is fun in the warmer weather, but it's icy in Melbourne now. I've been living on frozen food a bit that only needs boiling or baking, and there has been quite a bit of ready-to-eat food too.

So, I'm a long way from the Paleo WOE, but you know what's funny?

I've been losing weight.

I've held on to the massive regain-and-then-some that came from the DepTran horribleness for two solid years, seeing little improvement in my raging appetite and emotional dependency on food. Mostly, I never felt full - my connection to satiety was still broken. I would try fasting and eating to hunger, but nothing was working.

Then, about three weeks ago, I closed my latest play. During this stressful week, I noticed that suddenly I wasn't as hungry; I would eat a little of something - anything, even chocolate - and I would 'know' when I'd had enough! This basic, biological connection had been absent for over three years. And, for reasons I won't elaborate on here, I have a strong feeling that this change is due to emotional reasons, not immediately physiological ones.

So, three weeks of eating 'normally' and I have dropped five kilograms. I'm half-way back to my old 'set point' weight before I originally went low-carb. I would rather eat nothing but primal foods, since I enjoy the other nutrition benefits, but hey! I probably won't keep losing weight once I'm back to the weight I maintained on my pre-2009 junk food diet, but it will be great to get rid of this 'excessive' excess.

Who knows how long this 'normal' appetite control will last, but I will certainly be pleased if its reign is long and joyful! I eat when I'm hungry, and now I can stop easily. Hurrah!

And, when we have enough cash to renovate our kitchen, I'll be able to share my latest yummy recipes with you all - without fear of my oven exploding mid-meal!

Life

Motivation is a funny thing.

I do think about popping on here to update you all with the minutiae of what I'm up to, but the primal-related bits aren't anything I haven't already covered in posts gone by. I refuse to be boring, hence the silence.

Here's the plan: if and when I come up with cool, new recipes for the clean-eating lifestyle, I'll be jumping on here straight away and sharing them with you.

Dinner photos, complaints about cravings, stubborn fat, blah blah - I'll keep that to myself.

Who has the time? Not me.

So, here's what I would have said in the past few months, and you can assume it will stay true of my life for the next while at least:

I'm over-allotted at work, teaching more lessons per week than I should, as well as running the school magazine and Theatresports Club.

I spent the past six months composing, directing and designing the school production, which went up three weeks ago to great applause.

I have formed an a cappella singing group and am writing/arranging new pieces for us at a prodigious rate.

I've joined a band and have a couple of gigs next month for which I have to prepare.

I'm making jewellery as my 'down-time' activity, and am going to get back into selling at markets as well as updating my Zibbet store.

I'm not worrying about food, trying not to really think about it whenever possible, beyond noticing the fact that I feel full earlier than I was last year, and find little urge to over-indulge on nuts, etc. This has given me a chance to see how the same can NOT be said for industrial foods. I finally feel like my hormones are back in order in that respect.

I know that I don't feel as well all the time as I used to; now I swing between being really keen to be active, and needing to sit down. Two years ago, I was happy to walk around the classroom all lesson, last year I'd do anything to stay seated, and now it's more back and forth. When I'm ready, I will be tweaking aspects of diet and lifestyle to see how this effects the subtle shifts in my energy levels. In the meantime, I'm getting a recumbent bike slash rowing machine combo for the living room, to help improve my fitness and reduce the cardio variable in the energy equation.

And then there are my social engagements, quality time with my family, friends and pets (I'm currently caring for a sick guinea pig), time set aside for relaxation (not enough of that), time taken up by marking many, many essays (too much of that)...

My life is too full to justify taking up any more of my time blogging about diet. My journey is boring now. I know lots of things, and I keep reading to learn more. Half the time, when I find something I want to blog about, someone else covers it that very day.

So, this blog will sit here as an archive of recipes, and a health journey which was unfortunately derailed. I'll add to it when I have something of value to say, or hopefully an awesome recipe to share. I'm not going to waste your time with 'filler' material like how to steam a fish. Seriously. When I see that stuff popping up in my feed, it's unsubscribe time. If you haven't got anything interesting to say, don't tell us about your vacation rental.

Bon voyage!

I'm Still Here!

I can't believe that it has been a month - a MONTH! - since my last post! Time flies when you're being worked to the bone and doing your best to make relaxing use of any and all downtime! I only have time for a brief post today (the backlog of recipes will have to wait!) but I wanted to check in. :)

The b*tchy blogosphere - has anyone else noticed how desperately depressing and negative the blogging circles have become lately? I have 700+ posts sitting in my rss reader that I can't seem to make any dent into, since I keep hitting these cynical and peer-sabotaging posts from the most surprising of sources. Blog reading used to be a relaxing and exciting passtime - now it tends to be another stress that I should do my best to live without. I don't feel like I'm missing much though, since most of the half-decent posts are about topics I already know about, or have surpassed in my own learning. One of the only blogs I'm keeping pace with is Matt Stone's 180 Metabolism, since some provocative statements have been coming out of there of late! I still love blogs where the quality of the comments draws you back for more.

Following on from that, I had a backlog of unpublished comments to approve, and found some ZC nutjob screaming at my PCO post, telling me that the amount of protein I was eating was too much (and where exactly did they get my quantity info? Not even I could tell you that number...), and and that same time I should be eating more beef and lean fish, plus lots of fat... Nice. Great that these 'anonymous' commenters take the time and effort to read all of my blog so they can make such helpful comments ;)

Now, I am still mid-experiment when it comes to what I'm eating lately - I'm trying to nourish my body as well as my mind, which means continuing to step off the orthorex-pedal and lessen the stress. I'm fatter than I think I have ever been in my life - my muffin-top is more of a full loaf - but my face is still more slender than it was 5 years ago. Everything else is generally blorpy. I've been buying more fat clothes so that I don't have to put myself through the pain of ill-fitting clothing every morning. While I'm not about to make my peace with being this fat, I'm trying not to think about it whilst still monitoring some other health markers. I'm not going anywhere near scales though - I don't think I've been on one at all this year. Anyroad, the image that is developing is that I will need to be very careful about hormonal balance when it comes to my body, metabolic processes and fertility, so I have a bit of a path worked out so that  I can sustainably pursue the shedding of excess fat without shocking my system, etc. I'm totally drug-free, even though this means my damaged nerve ending will stay damaged for a while yet, and possibly become more sensitive as time goes on.

Now for something entirely stream-of-consciousness:

I've been making popcorn in a cast iron crock pot, with coconut oil and raw butter! It makes me feel so retro! :)

I have broken my 11-year make-up habit and have pared my routine back to just a finely buffed layer of mineral powder by Bare Minerals. A touch of eye, and I'm good to go. I also now own nine pairs of prescription eyewear, so I can still add some visual interest to my face without straying into drag queen territory. My skin is thanking me! My summer tan has worn off, so it's time to take out the blonde lights in my hair - my project for today! Even the natural dyes stink though - blech...I'm a theatre baby though - I love dressing up!

I'm noticing a very strong force of satiety hitting me during or after meals of late. On primal/paleo/carnivore WOEs I would feel satisfied, but not like I would throw up if I kept eating. And I don't mean 'stuffed' in either case. It's very interesting to me. I've also found that my body really doesn't like the prospect of eating meat lately, although once it is cooked and I'm tasting it, I love it. I feel a bit ill some mornings and late-afternoons, suggesting blood glucose fluctations or something, so I think I'll go invest in a BG tester and have a look at what's going on there. Some days I'm not interested in food til after work; others, I feel like I'll collapse or chuck unless I get something down before school. I've followed the insulin theories and the Matt Stone theories, but my responses haven't lined up well with either, so it's time for bloodwork I reckon. I still eat mostly whole-foods, so I tend not to blame my diet just yet... We'll see!

The school play is in full-swing and I've been spending a lot of time working on the music. It's a huge job but I love it!

Last weekend, my family stayed in Daylesford, in a luxury holiday house that had a room for each of the three couples, and one for the cat ;) We went horse riding on the Saturday - I had to ride in my Vibram KSOs since they didn't have boots for us, like most trail riding places do. It was lovely to wear them and feel the horse's flank more clearly; however, my saddle was too small to cater for my extra thigh blorp and consequently I was in a lot of pain when it came time to canter and I had to try and grip the horse with my legs. Ick. On the Sunday, I took my jewellery to the Daylesford Sunday Market and spent the day (including far too many pre-dawn hours) showing off my stuff to folks wandering between junk stalls and carnival food trailers. I sold quite a bit though, and it was nice to see people finding pieces they really like and trying them on. It's much nicer to see how pieces will look in person than dealing with the mystery of Internet purchases, for seller and buyer! Market stalls are a lot of preparation, cost and work though, but if I didn't work full-time I could image doing the market circuit... Now to set up at a market in the city..!

Despite all my time commitments, my kitten still rules my world. :)

I had better leave it there - lots of essays to mark, and I'd like to get them all done today so that I can go and participate in a massive dance 'performance' (more like 'interactive event') in the city tonight. Should be fun!

Hope all is well in your world and that you're finding the fun!

The Pursuit of Health - No more PCO (for now?)!

Apart from a bout of pneumonia when I was very young, and picking up the annual cold or spatter of gastro, I have always had a rock-solid constitution and have never suffered chronic or acute health woes.

It''s a shame that I've almost always been a bit chunky - having a bit of a gut when you're young promotes rude or judgemental comments from adults (who usually think they're being funny and that the jokes will go over your head), and over-reactions from parents. Having a muffin-top in your teenage years soon develops into self-consciousness and ridicule. Kids can be very cruel.

Society, and the medical industry, say it loud and proud - being overweight is unhealthy.

Really?

I was a champion in the 'throwing' events at school, and was a competitive swimmer - until one of my teachers made a comment about the fact that I wore a towel around my waist to 'cover up' (I just thought my towel was pretty and wanted to show it off). I walked up to 3km from the bus stop to my farm almost every day, with a couple of musical instruments and a heavy bag of books in tow.

(Men who don't like to read about women's issues might want to skip this next bit)

The first real health battle of my adult life is/was my PCO - a reproductive situation which appeared as incomplete ovulation and resulting lack of menstruation.

Given recent events, it would seem that this issue may have stemmed from my pursuit of weight loss.

Just over two months ago, I finished my Yasmin-driven menstrual cycle. I stopped taking my pill, and waited to see if nature would take its course. I have been trialling this method of 'testing' every three months or so for the past year.

What made this trial different? I was back to my original weight (more fat than before, though), and I was enjoying sweet potatoes and fruit regularly. Stress was diminishing as the teaching year tapered away to nothing, and the weather was showing signs of pending loveliness.

Three weeks after I stopped taking Yasmin, my period arrived. With the severity of the cramps and the brevity of menstruation, this clearly was not the doing of the pill. This was back to my high school suffering. Four weeks after that, I had another one. Crampy death pain hell.

Hurrah!

So kids, what to make of this?

Was it the sudden drop of 5kg of body fat in January '09 that threw my body for a loop, and stopped it recovering until that fat has been restored? I have read many times that a girl's weight during puberty sets the normality level for her reproductive system, and swings this way or that in weight or body composition can confuse said system...

Was it the fact that I cut carbs to 20g per day, except for Christmas '09 and much of '10? Was running on ketones insufficient to adequately feed all systems in my body?

Was I failing to meet my caloric needs? We can scrub this one since during my carnivore experiments I ate far beyond my caloric needs, although the ketone question may come back into play here.

Was it the combination of drugs - BCP and another nerve-repairer like DepTran? This is possible if the problem started pre-2009 but was masked by the pill - but then why weren't other 'tests' successful?

The only way to know is to try self-experimentation and to gather the experiences of others with PCO, but this would not be enough to establish a cause. The medical profession still has no idea what causes PCO. I would have been quick to blame environmental factors in the past, but the return of ovulation defies this hypothesis.

Nevertheless, I wanted to put this bit of intimate detail into the blogosphere since the PCO post is the most visited of my posts, and since my situation is reversed, I want to let fellow sufferers know that there is hope!

Additionally, although PCOS is related in some way to insulin resistance, and shows some improvement when treated with a low-carb diet, there's a chance that non-PCOS PCO could actually be caused or impacted upon by a low-carb diet. I would be interested to hear from others who try or have tried tweaking their diets and what results they've seen.

But first, I will be trying the harder of the possible 'causes' of PCO to see whether my periods cease - lose fat. Since I'm eating paleo foods at least 90% of the time (including sweet potato, but not normal potato, rice, or dark chocolate), it's easy for me to stick to my new 'normal' eating plan. I don't think about it much, but I fast all day on work days since I'm not usually hungry and don't have time to futz in the kitchen or sit in the staffroom and watch colleagues eat garbage whilst they talk about Weight Watchers..! I eat something (often mashed sweet potato and butter) when I get home, and then have dinner with the beau. Ultimately, I'm trying to ignore food until hunger kicks in, and this will be made easier when fruit season finishes! I haven't been eating enough meat either, with this hot weather keeping me away from my usual home in the kitchen. I'm sure you will have heard about the manic weather in Australia of late - massive flooding, cyclones, heat waves... Good times! The hot weather is also partly to blame for the lack of posts - the computer room is usually the hottest place in this house, and the laptop is too hot to have on one's lap too long. The other reason for the quiet period was because I was waiting for my, er, period so that I could write this post!

With this year's school play about to begin rehearsals, I need time flexibility. Fasting works elegantly for me, and now that the house is no longer a giant sauna I will be capitalising on the fast by working out before dinner. Rather than paying for my belly dancing and circuit classes, I'll be looking for shorter, harder workouts like the Tabata training I played with last year, though my fatty misery meant I didn't enjoy the experiences, thus becoming unsustainable. I'm in a better state of mind now, though you couldn't pay me to get on the scales! I received a big discount on some Zumba classes across town, so that will become my 'play' time. I know that exercise is not enough to cause fat loss, but I'm hoping that physical stimulation will signal to my brain that it should crave healthy food and discourage over-eating since excess with be-labour my digestive process and slow me down!

Mission: Retain reproductive health. Encourage my body to physically reflect the healthy state it is in. Continue to relax my attitude toward my excess chub. Eat really well. Continue to use this blog as a feeder into the primal community, since clearly my experiences are not unique.

Finally, I recently began to doubt whether I really wanted to be a teacher, given the prospect of teaching a subject I'm not that interested in, and not getting much support for the programs I have started and continue to run alone for very little monetary and time compensation.

Today was day four with students back at school.

I knew by the middle of day one that I was where I was meant to be.

I was born to be a teacher, I love students, I love my subjects, I love my relatively short but intense work day, and I love the fact that I can give extra experiences to my students by means of running plays and so on even if I don't get that much in return! Let's face it, I'm a giver.

For myself, I have my dancing, cooking, jewellery-making, reading, and entertainment pursuits. This blog helps me to get my ideas in order and keep my recipes at hand, but it's really here for the rest of you, whether you have fellow health-seekers in your social circle or only online. I am pleasantly surprised by positive comments, and shake off the negative ones, but could quite happily run this blog without a comment section since I write it like a book, not as a beacon of attention. I consider comments as the commenter's book, sharing ideas as much with fellow readers as with me. Read and write on, lovely visitors - your experiences and perspectives have just as much a chance of inspiring someone to health success as my posts. :)

FOOD PORN TIME!

Oh hey, ten litres of awesome coconut oil, sup? (Let's just ignore for the moment that I actually ordered ten 1L containers, and that nui have ignored all my emails requesting empty containers to 'decant' the oil into, since it was bought to give to friends & family... Nui = crapness. Their oil's okay, but they won't be getting any more of my money.)

Bacon & veggie frittata!!

The leftovers

Homemade beef burgers cooked on the BBQ, and summery salad.

I made sushi! Rice is for lame-o's.

Typical dinner - hunk of meat (chicken), mashed sweet potato, assorted green veg. Yum!

See above, though with tomato instead of sweet potato. Obviously was too hot to be boiling things that night!

Happy February!

Like An Animal

 A couple of comments on the last post inspired me to further my explanation of the fundamental mind-shift I am pursuing personally. I responded in the comments, and want to add to those points here:

I always had a good attitude toward food. I always enjoyed fresh fruit & veg, loved meat, and treated junk food as occasional indulgences, but never really thought about it. Going low-carb, then primal, then carnivore, and eventually paleo - that's what screwed up my attitude towards food and, most of all, my body. Exercising 'mindful eating' immediately makes you over-think eating. Just eat real food, and your body will stop you when you've had enough. Counting anything will mess you up. I sure learned that the hard way.

So much of the primal/paleo movement revolves around humanity's return to earlier states of civilisation - even pre-civilisation - when it comes to how we eat and live. We're not eschewing the creature comforts of housing, electricity, transport, etc - the only area we really concentrate on is food. Yet, we seem to pursue this return to an animal, natural state in such an unnatural way.

Every pet I've ever had, growing up, was given big bowls of food, which were topped up as needed. There were usually a few animals living with us at any one time, yet there was always left-over food in the bowl. There was more than enough for everyone. The pets ate when they were hungry. They knew food was always there. They didn't overeat. They didn't eat as much as possible in case food was not going to be available later - they knew it would be.

We live in the exact same situation, and yet we spend so much energy over-thinking food. We use food as a crutch for when we are stressed, bored, stuck for something to say, etc. Whilst many health ills do come from eating the wrong kind of food - no one debates that living on refined carbs is unhealthy - most of us have enough money to ensure we can access and store a wider range of foods. We're not forced to subsist on the refined carbs that result in insulin resistance and physiological hunger. If you are eating meat, eggs, fruit & vegetables, but find yourself craving doughnuts, then the issue is more likely to be psychological. Even if you have a physiological disorder such as hyperthyroidism, diabetes, etc, and you need to take care with what you eat, you should not find your life revolving around food. I know people with severe food allergies who are more relaxed around food than I have been!

The attitude of being "strict" is a signal of neuroticism. A success/fail attitude is unnatural. Dieting does not make sense if it involves actively monitoring your food intake, actively denying yourself foods that your mind obsesses over. There's nothing natural about pushing yourself to do something your body doesn't want you to do. There may need to be a mind-shift to find yourself actually craving healthy foods, but if you're forcing yourself to be strict and dieting, you usually find yourself craving junk. There's a hint that something's wrong.

I'm not really saying that the individual is in the wrong; we're just products of this weight-focused culture. So few of us eat naturally - the media and societal-pressures consistently reinforce the idea that we're WRONG - the wrong size, eating the wrong food, thinking the wrong thoughts. Existing like animals is derided.

The primal/paleo movement is all about getting back to our natural lifestyles as evolution dictated, and yet we end up going further away from nature and into dark places of restriction and self-disgust when we make "mistakes", or covering our psychological issues with food in the guise that it's fine because it's paleo! Sites like PaleoHacks have certainly enhanced that perfectionist/neurotic attitude. Gosh, even Richard Nikoley of "Free The Animal" seems to be rapidly reversing the mind-set proclaimed by his blog's title, although he is still much more relaxed (I hope) than many other paleo endorsers out there. Hopefully as the hype passes, that attitude will recede and those of us who believe in evolutionary nutrition and medicine will find the groove of natural eating behaviours along with a relaxed lifestyle.

I'm not putting food up on a pedestal, like the vegetarian who dreams about bacon just because they won't let themselves eat it. Animals don't do that. Damaged, neurotic humans do. I can eat whatever I want. I desire healthy, nourishing foods because they give me energy and make my systems run smoothly. Sometimes I crave junkier food, and I'm permitting myself to satisfy that craving. Sometimes I feel fine after it, sometimes I feel a bit sick, but I never feel guilty. I am aiming to eat like an animal - food is there, and I eat it if I need it.

I aim to live like an animal as well - Mark Sisson advises us to play, to avoid poisonous things, to get enough sun, to avoid stress... My pets do all of this. I can too. I had been trying to off-set work stresses with relaxation activities like massages and sunbathing. I'm starting to think that this is the wrong mind-set as well - but there will be more about that as time goes on. In the meantime, I am spending time making and selling jewellery, and am also starting a new vocal group. These activities are my pleasures, and - if I wanted to - they could also be my primary sources of income. I do not find them stressful, or the minor stresses are far outweighed by the pleasure and relaxation associated with the activities. With two weeks left before teaching resumes, I will be living like an animal as much as possible. After teaching resumes, I will see whether the stressors outweigh the pleasures. If so, I might have some decisions to make...

I am still the Girl Gone Primal, and going primal now means a lot more to me than just following a diet. Maybe I should add a "now with more primality" sticker across my banner :)

Smile!

I nearly titled this post as 'Diary of An Orthorexic', but that would be starting off on a negative footing, when the most important point I want to make is the importance of positivity!

As I pointed out in my How To Get Started post, I have spent a lot of time investigating psychology and the mind-body connection as it pertains to body composition and fat storage. The work of Jon Gabriel started me along this path; I read his book in late 2009 and cynically disregarded it as a flowery tome that boils down to encouraging fat people to eat less and move more. I was wrong. At the time of reading the book I was in a very happy place - I was at my lowest weight, I was feeling very confident in my body, and essentially felt that I was already at the end-point of the journey, which I achieved without having to 'teach my body that it was safe to be thin'. The rebound of 2010 obviously caused me a lot of psychological pain, and I remain unsure of whether it was purely the fault of chemical interference (DepTran) or whether I was bound to suffer fat regain, like 95% of dieters. What I am sure of is that every time I would work hard on cutting back carbs, calories, and sometimes all food (since it's very in vogue to fast in the paleosphere, this looked like health-wise activity), sooner or later I would find myself regaining the little weight I'd managed to lose, and then some.

I tried all the old tricks, and some new tricks as espoused by Stone & Jaminet - eating 'safe starches', cycling high & low carb days, fasting before exercise, fasting dinner to dinner most days, etc. Nothing made me feel bad, I felt pretty healthy (although I think my gut doesn't like sweet potatoes, since the oh-so delicious sweet potato mash would always give me mild stomach ache), but the fat wouldn't shift. I'm not about to get on a scale, but I'm pretty sure I now weigh at least as much as I did at the end of my pre-diet chocolate binge at the end of 2008! It didn't matter how much I knew about physiology - my results defied the science. I flip-flopped from desperate to disdainful, caring too much to not caring at all, all washed down with buckets of guilt and shame. Good times. However, I consider my 2010: Bests & Worsts post to be the finish line of that particular chapter of my life.

I returned to Jon's book a couple of weeks ago, now ready to consider the possibility that there were psychological reasons preventing me from losing the regained weight. From all the information my body was giving me, my metabolism was in great shape, my digestion was great, and my moods were pretty good (although I wasn't feeling very positive - nothing new there).  I even had a very positive reproductive message (look away now, boys with issues reading about girl business); I took my usual break from the Pill (Yasmin) after being on it for 3 months, to check how my PCO issues were going, and - for the first time in years - I had a period that was not due to a pill cycle! I'm not ready to claim my PCO is over until I have another non-pill period, so I'll let you know in three or so weeks....

I've always been interested in the power of a positive outlook, although I tended to look at the outcomes of cynicism and negativity rather than the 'healing power' of positive thinking. My reading over the past two years has exposed me again and again to the importance of minimising cortisol, and the way blood sugar fluctuations can impact moods. I understood that what was going on in my body could powerfully impact my mind, but somehow I missed the possibility that the reverse could also be true - that the way I thought (given that thought triggers chemical reactions in body, something science knows to be true) could have game-changing influence over what went on in my body.

Jon focuses upon the ways our bodies and minds cope with modern stressors. He argues that we evolve with three main stressors - predators, famine, and temperature extremes. To be safe from predators, we needed to be fit and lean in order to get away or fight them off. From famine and temperature extremes, we needed to store a layer of fat that could be consumed when food became scarce. Our bodies took cues from those stressors to signal the need to gain and maintain fatness, or to achieve leanness. Life in the modern first world is all but immune to those three stressors, but is chock-full of other stressors such as money troubles, social pressure, etc. These modern stressors are not understood completely by what Jon calls the 'animal brain' - it only understands the three main stressors of earlier eras. Thus, the mind tries to interpret modern stressors in the way it did earlier stressors - as signals to gain fat, or lose fat.

Since I'm not one to believe what I read straight off the bat (else reading the new book by Gary Taubes would leave me carbophobic and blaming my freckles on the sandwiches Mum made me as a child... of so this review would have me believe), I went and did my research, enjoying the work of the lovely Emily Deans, MD (I'm committed to reading her entire backlog of blogposts, so it's slow-going!), among many others. I encourage you all to do the same - living in this cynical and negative world, it has been very helpful to be reminded of the importance of reflecting on the successes as well as the failures, the crucial need to let go and forgive past mistakes and crimes, and to appreciate what we have rather than focus on what we want (I would add 'and need' except I doubt many of us are truly lacking in that department). It seems really basic and obvious, but I know that I don't praise myself enough - it's culturally frowned-upon to really succeed, since Australian media sources and other influential people are quick to point out flaws or mock the slightest sign of pride or pleasure in one's success. I know the power of praise, and I always apply the ' at least 5 yays to 1 nay' formula in the classroom - but not to myself!

Whilst positive thinking is the main umbrella covering everything I'm working on and researching at the moment, I will list my particular 'therapy' approach here, in case anyone is feeling like they might be circling the orthorexia/negativity bowl:

The first move I made was probably the biggest - I decided that I would eat junk food if I felt like it. I first wanted to find out whether it would have any immediate physiological effects, but no - a dose of vegetable oil from KFC chicken and potato chips left me a little queasy, but I noticed nothing after a hit of gluten and sugar in cookie form. I had a couple of bad days of cravings and feeling crap about myself, but this coincided with my first 'natural' period in two years, so I hesitate to claim that the food was the culprit. The main psychological point behind this move is to avoid my 'animal brain' feeling as though it is being deprived of anything, in case that triggers a 'famine' response of fat accumulation. I'm not finding myself truly craving junk, and enjoy the things I eat without considering it 'cheating' or worrying about weight gain. I enjoyed the novelty value of fried fish & chips from the amazing place down the road, I reminded myself what milk chocolate and white chocolate taste like, etc. The message for my brain to hold on to is that this food is available if I want it, but it only tastes good for a few seconds, and it doesn't really nourish me so it's not worth pursuing. Being able to reach this place of acceptance after building such a focus on how unhealthy those foods are is quite an achievement, since not so long ago I burst into tears in a restaurant after being told my lamb dish involved breadcrumbs, and I'd already eaten some!


Beyond the junk food hurdle, I am not worrying about carbs or calories. I regret ever counting calories, since I know so thoroughly now that caloric restriction will not give me long-term health. If that's a new concept for you, Matt Stone's guest post at Belly Fat Loser is one of his less-bastardy pieces, and nails many of the flaws in the diet industry's arguments. However, rather than dwelling on the past, I am eating what I want, when I'm hungry, and stopping when I have had enough. I haven't perfected this yet since my satiety is all over the place and I never seem to feel full when I'm eating fruit. The key here is probably that I'm actually rarely hungry, but I feel like eating, so I eat. I'm on holidays and the weather is terrible - tropical humidity and rain, in Victoria! I'm also taking care of the kitten, so I'm inside most of the time, with nothing to do except sit and watch movies and read and become bored ;) But I'm not worrying about it, because it's worse to worry (stress) about things than just live.

Beyond not counting carbs or calories, I have the aim of not really worrying about food at all. As Jon says in his meditation CD, "it's just there.. and it's just not that exciting anymore". I'm not sure how successful I'll be in this area, given that I'm a foodie and like being creative in the kitchen, but we'll see how I go! I try not to think about what my next meal will be, I'm not intending to actively fast, and so on.

Not all of my 'therapy' revolves around food though - I am also taking advantage of my down-time at home by stopping to think about everything I have, and appreciating things rather than being critical. Sometimes this is laughable - my kitten broke my skin by accident whilst we were playing, so I had to stop myself from feeling hurt and instead think about all the fun we were having despite the incident! Cynical me pipes up occasionally to point out the hippy-dippy-ness of this, but then I laugh at that little voice, and it all ends up positive. I hope I can keep it up!

Every night I listen to Jon's meditation/visualisation recording as I go to sleep, and I'm interested in trying to incorporate more visualisation into my day. His ideas have been reinforced from many other sources, but for ease of reference I'll stick with his work since it's readily available online, his book is quite affordable, and he lives in Australia! ;)

The one area I'm not currently succeeding in is the physical activity component, but I'm not going to force myself to get active if I don't feel like it. I've done bits of belly dancing and some push-ups & sit-ups when I've felt fidgety - and feeling fidgety itself is a wonderful sign of health! I was always someone who could melt into the sofa and watch TV for hours, but now I need something to keep my hands busy (my jewellery-making has continued to thrive!) and I change position quite often. I'm keen to get back to my belly dancing classes, but the teacher tends to be quite negative and we often have one or more students feeling down at some point in the class. The last class before Christmas break, this was me, since I felt unfairly picked on, so there's a bit of a dark cloud there to break through before I will actively want to return. Hopefully I will feel better about it all by next Monday! In the meantime I have DVDs I can play if I feel the urge - but with this hot weather, jumping around in the stuffy TV room is the last thing I want to do!

So that's where I'm at. I'm feeling quite happy, light and playful, I'm letting go of things that have bothered me in the past, I'm developing a healthier attitude to food and my body, and am hoping that his will have positive returns in not only restoring my state of mind but also getting my body's fat stores burning. I will still design healthy meals and share them here, and continue sharing my journey with you. I am experiencing many internal rewards already, which fuels my efforts as intrinsic motivation.

And my extrinsic motivation? I have a colleague who is incredibly fat and incredibly negative. No matter the topic, she'll find fault and voice her criticisms loudly and proudly. She lives on doughnuts and other carby nasties. Just recently, she was diagnosed with and treated for breast cancer. She hasn't changed much, is still very negative, but sometimes she looks on the lighter side of things. I don't want to be seen as negative, especially if those vibes result in obesity and cancer formation! On the other hand, the colleague who is lovely and loved by everyone, who is pretty care-free and laid-back, is also very thin. She also lives on doughnuts and other carby nasties, but doesn't sweat it. I know that she might suffer from her food choices down the track, but what is more damaging - conventional 'nutrition', or attitude? I can't be sure, so I'll be covering both bases as much as I can - but I won't be letting the former control the latter.

2010: Bests & Worsts

With about half an hour of 2010 left in my part of the world, I'm at home for the first NYE of my life. Why? Today, the temperature in Melbourne surpassed the 40 deg C mark, which is a deal-breaker in my relationship with the outside world. I had plans to go out and party, but the image of riding on public transport with sweaty, BO-drenched folk just to get to a club full of more of the said-same folk vehemently replaced the positive prospects of a fun night of dancing.

So, as my household counts down til the end of the first decade of the 21st century, I am encouraged to reflect on the mixed bag that has been 2010. Long-time readers will be familiar with most of the ups & downs that this year has brought me, but since I still receive some comments and emails that demonstrate a lack of knowledge about where I've been on this journey, I figured it would be helpful (to me as well as you guys) to have a look at what knowledge and experience I am bringing into 2011.

Let's start with the bad stuff:

The absolute worst event of 2010 was my February run-in with the horrific DepTran, prescribed to help cure a damaged, overly sensitive nerve ending. Within 24 hours of my first dose, I became desperate for food, with a raging appetite that could not be sated, even with 7000 calories thrown at it on one particularly memorable day. I stayed on the primal path, but watching my fat cells balloon whilst I miserably tried to stick to my usual intake levels left me with depression. I was allowed to cut out the drug after a month, since it was not helping the nerve ending, but by then I was back to my original weight. It felt like my efforts throughout 2009 were wasted. The hormonal effects of the drug stuck around for a good six months, and I have not been successful in my attempts to resume fat loss except for brief positive stints that keep inexplicably rebounding. Even following orthodox paleo, even tracking my carbs and calories, even exercising, even fasting, even with everything I know about health and nutrition - I'm still left feeling like a big, fat failure because I'm back to the size I was before I started trying to get healthy.

I know I've made positive steps and that it's not in vain, but try telling that to the clothes that don't fit me anymore and the people that - just 12 months ago - commented on how well I was looking. For the first time in my life, I was being told that I was 'gorgeous' and looked really healthy, and now that positivity has been stolen away from me. Saying that probably makes me look vain, but those comments, just like the newly-positive experiences I had shopping at clothing stores such as Alannah Hill, were so foreign and delightful to me that it was like I was finally granted access to this other world where normal people lived. Now I've been kicked out again - the lack of positive comments don't just remind me how much fat I've regained, but they also remind me that the average person will assume that I've regained it because I've been eating crappy food & that I'm ignorant about health.

I can no longer confidently be a positive role-model for the primal lifestyle - if I told anyone that I create and maintain a blog about healthy living, they would scoff and roll their eyes. Perhaps that is a little over-stated, since I have not regained fat in my face but only around my waist and hips/thighs - a sign of health and even fertility, really. However, there's nothing more compelling to an audience than having seen someone go from chubby to stream-lined, and I've lost that ice-breaker. When I get it back, I'll feel like a believable figure-head for the primal/paleo lifestyle once again.

So, I have learned a lot from this horrible experience: I have learned more about how my hormones work and what it feels like when they become imbalanced; I have been reminded just how dramatically my psychological aspects are impacted by physiological changes in my body; I have learned that when your body is being told to accumulate fat that it will succeed even during caloric restriction (I wonder how much muscle was eaten to feed my demanding fat stores...), and; I have had my hatred of Western medicine compounded, thanks to my specialist Doc who didn't bother to mention the "typical" side-effects of DepTran given that my experience on a similar drug had not caused any problems! The nerve damage is due to a problem that went improperly treated for too long, despite my pursuit of third, fourth and fifth opinions before finally finding this guy who picked up on the issue immediately. The kicker, of course, is that without sugar in my diet, that specific condition would not ever have flared up.


Time for some good stuff, please!

The psychological impact of the DepTran incident caused strain and damage in almost all of my personal relationships, but somehow we've come out the other side barely scratched. Rather than calling it quits, the beau & I are on the hunt to buy our first house, and everyone in my family is still speaking to me (even the ones who don't speak to each other!). I am in regular contact with good friends, some new this year, and look forward to maintaining those connections more effectively than I have in the past.

2010 brought me my best year of teaching thus far, despite my depression, with really enjoyable classes and mostly positive collegiate experiences (better than the bullying torment of 2009, at least!). I played Hero Teacher by orchestrating the inception of two new school traditions that were passionately adopted by the students, without causing me too much additional stress.

I discovered belly-dancing, a new passion of mine, and also rekindled my singing, which had been on hiatus since 2002. I have joined a belly dance performance ensemble, am on call for a couple of semi-professional choirs for when they need a strong voice to support their performances (so I don't need to be a paid member nor attend rehearsals, which works for me since I don't find their repertoire challenging enough to require rehearsal), and have made some contacts who will be part of my planned a cappella group next year. I hope that my 'recreational' participation in the performing arts will continue to grow in 2011, without adding too much stress to my already-busy life.

Of course, my knowledge about dietetics and fitness has continued to expand in depth and breadth throughout the year, with my growing blogreel devouring the time I used to have to spend on daily blogging! I plan on making an effort to photograph my meals again, since I feel that my cooking is my most visible and effective proponent of this way of life. I feel bad that I didn't photograph all of my Christmas meals, but I do have some waiting to be posted!

I finally took the next step in my jewellery making, devoting more time to the construction of new pieces (ironically, as part of my stress-reduction effort!), and starting a store online now that Zibbet has made it economically feasible to do so. Today, I also paid up for a full Zibbet membership, which means I no longer will be limited to only listing 50 items in my store. I have about 250 items waiting to be listed, so those will be posted incrementally over the next few days. Thank goodness I'm on holidays for another four weeks!

The final piece of positivity I'm bringing with me into 2011 is the newest member of my family, adopted just two days ago from the Lost Dogs' Home in North Melbourne:

Meet lovely little Oreo, our nine week old kitty - and the only Oreo you'll ever find in MY house! He's very energetic, and already prefers fresh fish to the carb-inflated dry kibble the vet recommended should make up 80% of his diet!

All the best for 2011!

Unwound

The holidays are here! After many long weeks of hard work, with the last few weeks spent furiously marking exams, writing reports, and making sure everything was all set for next year, my colleagues added a new layer to that stress by inventing an 'office/row of desks decoration competition'! It proved to be a wonderful bonding exercise, since for most of the year the people in my row are too busy to socialise, and reminded me that very little of our lives and choices are in a vaccuum - there is almost always a support system there, waiting for your call of help. It was all hands on deck for the last week of term, following my theme of 'recyclable & hand made White Christmas', building a tree out of paper, wreaths out of old plastic bags, putting cellophane on the windows, making snowmen out of wire and cotton wool, and grabbing shredded paper to scatter on the ground to look like snow. Other rows/offices let one or two people do all the work, spending lots of money at fabric and decoration stores, and some didn't bother to do much at all.

My row won! We celebrated as a team, and now have the newly-generated inaugural banner hanging at the end of our row, to remind us throughout 2011 how we worked together to create something beautiful and very personal.

Now that the working year has finished for me, and doesn't start up again until February, I can return my attention to participating in my other tribe - the paleo/primal community. I have been reading all of my blog and news feeds throughout the busy year, but have given very little back of late. I intend to make the most of my Summer outside and getting lots of sun, air, and activity, but at the moment it is SNOWING in parts of Victoria, suggesting we will have the cool festive season of 2006. Boo! I'm already betting that we won't get the scorching hot weather until school resumes in Feb and we're stuck in classrooms with piddly little fans or broken air conditioning. Bleeeeurgh... Just give me a few weeks of perfect weather in January, please?

So, how's the primal living going, Jezwyn? Well, I'm glad you asked. I was continuing my experiment of having a few carby days a week, enjoying mashed sweet potato and lots of berries. However, as of today I'm cutting those foods out again for a while, as I was starting to crave sweet foods almost constantly. Now that I'll be home most days (going out at night, usually, since the beau only gets one week off work), the pull to grab tomatoes and carrots out of the fridge for constant snacking is dangerous, so I'm going to start monitoring carbs again to see if that kills the cravings. I suspect higher carb days (especially starchy carbs) are quite good for me physiologically, but perhaps they do mess with my blood glucose/insulin too much and affect me psychologically. With Christmas lunches and dinners coming up, I don't want to be falling face-first into the Fruit & Nut balls I've been asked to make! I also wanted to try making a lower-GL dessert in the realm of fruit puddings to share at Christmas, but I would have to be tasting the recipes as I played, so that one will have to wait until next year too.

So, although it'll be hard to fast since I'll have few distractions, I will be eating more meat (yay for Christmas!), eggs, and fats, plus leafy greens which I will track to be sure I'm not going to be breaking out of ketosis too much. I've found myself turned off from meat a bit lately, but hopefully the variety of roasts and seafood that are synonymous with this time of year will help shake that feeling. I'm usually fine once the food is ready to eat, but getting uncooked beef and lamb out of the freezer doesn't inspire me at all. Weird...

My belly dancing class is on a break as well, with no classes for two weeks, so I'm looking at the other group fitness classes to go and play in. They have circuit training, so I think that's probably a good choice since I could use some strength work and a bit of cardio given I'm not walking/riding to school every day nor lugging around great tubs of books.

Blatant plug: As a stress-release activity in the past few weeks, and now as a creative outlet to keep me inspired during the holidays, I have been making jewellery again. I love getting feedback on my designs, so if you like jewellery you can look at my Facebook Page where about 150 of my pieces are currently visible in albums, or you can look at my Zibbet store, although I can only list 50 items at a time. I feel a bit dirty mentioning it here, but jewellery making has been a big part of my life of late, and is the main reason I haven't been updating this blog as much as I'd like. It's also a great way to stay busy whilst trying to ignore carb cravings! ;)

I have a couple of recipes that I've been waiting to share with you, so I'll end this post with a little comic strip that summarises so neatly the problems the world is faced with in terms of food:

Jiggle jiggle!

Greetings primal peeps! A spot of meta-blogging: In less than a week, my Year 12s sit their final exam, and there will be a whoosh of released anxiety and spare time flooding my way! I can't wait! I haven't been able to spend nearly as much time as I'd like on this blog since I've been getting home quite late most nights and wanting to crash, or I've been out, savouring the gorgeous sunshine as much as possible before finally capitulating to the army of mosquitoes and hiding indoors... and then crashing. So much crashing. One particularly memorable crash occurred in the hammock very recently - the hoards of twilight bugs very thoroughly savaged the top of my right foot before I finally came to once more. Thankfully, the book I had been reading was flopped across my face, so I was protected from facial swelling and subsequent blotchy goodness.

Anyway, I have been thinking about how my blog fits into the paleo blogosphere of late. I have been somewhat disheartened by the wrenching turn some blogs have made from being personal journals with scientific curiosities being discussed, to blatant agenda-pushers in the guise of pursuing further scientific knowledge. Some have always been unashamedly biased - I read Charles Washington's ZIOH blog with the expectation of one-eyed discussion of current findings/reports - but some are masked, giving the illusion of scientific objectivity whilst conveniently ignoring other possible understandings or research. Bleh. So even though I would love to include documentation of the interesting things I read about health and nutrition, and my own opinion on scientific research, I would hate to annoy readers the way other blogs do me. Thus, I will continue to share my online findings via Google reader (check the right-hand navigation bar for current shares and how to subscribe), and update my Show Me The Science page as necessity dictates.

In the meantime, I am going to continue my blog in the opposite direction - it will continue to be a personal documentation of my journey, my culinary experimentation, and other such things. So nothing will change, except perhaps the frequency of posts now that things are winding down and days are getting longer and hotter! End of meta-blogging.

With the sun peeping out for increasingly long periods during the day, I have been getting as much sun as I can, and building up a nice tan (read: blood serum D level). I'm still supplementing D on the days when I remember to supplement, and am also taking fish oil, Mark Sisson's multi (til I run out), potassium & iodine, magnesium, and a pro-biotic (since it's in the fridge anyway..). I am taking care to cover my bases there since I've been playing around with fasting quite a bit of late, and am also pushing for fat loss and muscle gain.

Fat loss: I began documenting my weight at the start of the month, after a few weeks of experimenting with alternating between high carb / low carb / zero carb / fasting. Interestingly, I didn't find much of a change in energy level during the experimental phases - no boosts after a dinner of sweet potato or a snack of fruit, no drops during 24 hour fasts... I also noted that my weight was rock steady throughout, even though I was eating now lower than my BMR required, and sometimes significantly more. This suggested to me that perhaps my physiology had finally achieved homeostasis post-hormonal imbalance & carb resistance acclimatisation (translation - my body was back to normal after DepTran screwed up my hormones and (maybe) long-term low-carbing left my body unable to deal with the intake of more than a few carbs). Before, I was highly affected whenever I would vary my food and activity choices, and my weight fluctuated wildly. It's significant to note that the weight where my body decided it was happy to stay was two kilograms more than my pre-primal weight. According to modern theory, this can be attributed to caloric restriction - although I often ate quite a bit of food, especially when I followed a meat-only diet, I suspect that overall I was eating a lot less than I did in the past. Metabolic studies would expect that any diet is going to have the long-term result of increased belly fat, so it looks like my results fit this description even if other factors drove the gain. For this reason, I'm trying to be very careful about monitoring my eating patterns.

Although I am not following a particular regime, here's a loose description of what I am doing to encourage fat loss without the rebound effect described above:

I am fasting quite regularly - at the moment, this is more a time conservation activity, since if I don't have to organise breakfast, let alone lunch, I can just get about my business. I usually have something to eat once I arrive home, and have a big dinner. Whilst the beau was overseas, this was wonderfully freeing - I would eat what I wanted, when I wanted it, rather than have to worry about making sure he ate his dinner early enough. I recently read about Martin Berkhan's 'Leangains Diet', which supports my typical work-day fasting habit.

To avoid my body adjusting to a caloric intake standard or building upon my carb resistance, I include some sweet potato or fruit at least once a week - usually on the weekend. I ensure my caloric intake varies every few days, whilst making sure my overall average is at or slightly below my BMR.

Most days I eat just meat and vegetables, favouring my preferred preparation method: heat a big pan, put fat in pan, put meat in pan, fill rest of pan with veggies, serve when everything is cooked to taste, and sprinkle with iodised salt! Even though this is leaving me with fewer and fewer opportunities to construct exciting new recipes, it's making me really happy! All I use is a knife, a chopping board, and my gigantic cast-iron frying pan, so washing up is a breeze (and I don't even bother to wash up unless I've used raw meat).

I'm eating a LOT of vegetables - most days I easily clear the 500g mark, and sometimes I hit a full kilo of veg if I've eaten two or more meals! The incredible (to me) aspect is that even with all that plant matter, I still rarely clear more than 30g net carb per day! When I think of how timid I was back in the low-carb days pre-primal, serving myself only one floret of broccoli, and running away from carrots, I want to slap myself! I love veggies, and now that my system seems to be healed, I don't notice any digestive issues whatsoever - no bloat, no farting (not even after I eat cauliflower and broccoli!), and no sluggishness. I don't regret my meat-only days - they would not have adversely affected my carb resistance any more than my more varied 20g carb days did - but it's still good to discover that I can incorporate vegetables into my diet without sacrifices the digestive benefits of being carnivorous. Whether the few sugars from plant foods are speeding up my eventual aging or not, there's no way to tell, but I still know that I'm better off than the average SAD person, and have a slightly better chance of finding suitable foods at functions and outings. I also note that consuming slightly less meat per days could have an impact on sustainability, but given the fact that I eat more veggies by weight than I would be eating meat, I'm not sure which way that impact leans. I also know I'm not saving any moolah in the process, since I buy organic veggies 80% of the time (I relax when it comes to low-pesticide varieties of veg that are grown locally and sold in supermarkets or conventional groceries). The veggies are still primarily a tasty way to transport added fats, but the volume also helps to fill me up.

As noted, I add in some fruits and maybe sweet potato and other starchier roots weekly, and if I'm feeling particularly underfed I'll enjoy some nuts. I still have a bit of a problem with nuts being hyperphagic for me - I actually noted a flash of desperate 'eat more nuts!' desire after finishing a bite of walnut last night! Not good... Plus, my gut doesn't deal with nut binges very well, so if I can't happily control my portions, it's better if I avoid them. Once I post this, I'll be heading to the kitchen to use up the current nut stash in a batch of Nola, using the subsequent leftover egg-yolks as an addition to dinner.

Since the start of October, I have lost 4kg, with my scales reporting a decrease in fat percentage. The figure on the scales does tend to bounce around, but I monitor my flab by feel - I've already been through once phase of jiggliness/shedding, and am onto phase two. Unfortunately, tomorrow is a friend's Halloween party, and I was planning to go as a gothic bellydancer with exposed midriff, but right now my gut is as wobbly as a skinny-fat person's cellulite-stricken thighs! The blubber sits away from my muscle - my stomach undulations give the impression of foam floating atop the ocean - not sexy! But anything could happen in the next 24 hours - I will be avoiding bloat, drinking lots of water, and crossing my fingers... And speaking of belly dancing:

Muscle Gain: Belly dancing is re-shaping my body dynamically! The current teacher taking my group whilst the usual teacher (and half the class) is in Egypt is an expert in upper body work and floor work, and even though we've only had two classes with her I'm seeing an improvement in my arm tone and shoulder flexibility. Belly dancing in general is whipping my abdominal muscles into shape, with my obliques refining particularly noticeably. My love handles are still present, yet my overall silhouette has become more slender in this area, meaning I can get away with wearing my airy-fairy summer dresses without worrying around hiding the bulge with stockings or granny panties! My thighs are getting stronger, but hopefully not bulkier - it's impossible to tell whilst I'm burning fat simultaneously. I'm not sure whether my 4kg weight loss has been impacted by muscle gain at the same time, but I would tend to guess not. I'm not seeking a gain in muscle bulk but muscle tone, and I think I'm well on my way! I don't really practice in between my weekly lessons, but with some more time available to me in future I might start up some sessions. In the meantime, my hula hoop still gets a spin every now and again, especially when the beau is around to be mesmerised... :)

As you can see, the proportions of my health efforts are heavily biased towards diet, of course, but with my new gym membership and hot weather coming up, I intend to be more active in my free time, given that I'll be spending more and more of my working hours stuck at my desk. Here's hoping I can get back some swimsuit confidence before the beach weather really hits!

Finally, for your viewing pleasure, a few samples of my dining habits from the past fortnight:

Porterhouse steak, drenched in garlic butter, with a side of sliced veg

Chicken Caesar salad

Bad photo of an amazing squid & veg sauté

Roo burgers, with asparagus and button squash

At the Valedictory dinner for the graduating class: salmon steak and steamed veg (the salad was dressed). Had to fight to get my needs met, but in the end I was very pleased!

Rare roo steak with sautéed veg

Chicken drumsticks with sautéed veg

Jonathan's classic Italian sausages and sautéed veg

How to eat well at a shopping mall: pork roast and veg from Rhumba's at Westfield Doncaster

Bacon & veg sauté to go under some grilled chicken (two serves here - this is my big cast iron pan!)

The finished product!

PS - You may have noticed some Amazon & Google advertising on my site or in my posts. This is a test to see whether this kind of monetising generates enough income to buy my own domain name. I'm going to try it for a couple of months to see what the interest is. Don't go out of your way to click on ads, of course, but if there's something you're genuinely interested in, then hey, that's a few cents towards my domain. I want a true impression of likely activity in future.

Catching Up

My seniors are wrapping up their year of classes this week, leaving me with marking and one-on-one sessions with stressed 17 & 18 year olds preparing for the exams that they think determine the rest of their lives...

Thus, I'm worn out at the end of every day, so my evenings (save for Monday's belly dancing class) are usually filled with relaxation activities: reading books, getting massages (once), hanging out in the hammock (often, now that the weather is getting nicer), and watching light entertainment programs.

But, amidst all the stress-dodging and rest-seeking, I've also been eating really well. I'm sticking to meat and vegetables, with lots of animal fat and coconut oil, and I'm even seeing some progress via the scales. I am enjoying solid energy levels, and have added a new fun activity to my day - hula hooping! I've only done it a couple of times, to minimise boredom, and I can spin the hoop almost 100 times around my waist! I bought a weighted, large hoop, with red and silver holographic stripes, and I feel like a circus princess!

Here are a few of the delicious meals I've been enjoying, for your viewing pleasure:







And then there was the 900g grass-fed rib-eye steak we found at St. Jude's Cellars in Fitzroy, easily devoured by the beau and I after a long day of walking in the sunshine, book hunting, and carrying around a brand-new, weighted hula hoop!


Steak go bye-bye :)


GGP go bye-bye!

Keeping Up To Date

If, perchance, there are any Australian teachers/students reading my blog, they will understand when I say that the year is getting to its very pointy end and it's not surprising that updating the blog is slipping further and further down my priority list. School holidays begin in 68 hours (who's counting?) although I will also be involved in work things during our break, since my seniors will be finishing up their scheduled classes shortly thereafter. Apart from those small obligations, I will be resting free and easy for the break, with a trip to the farm, lots of cultural activities (such as finally going to the Titanic Exhibition at the Melbourne Museum, woohoo!), and hopefully some gorgeous spring weather to lap up. With some more playtime available, I hope to also have some fun in the kitchen, getting some fresh and zingy spring recipes ready for party season!

In the meantime, here's a quick run-down of my latest shenanigans:

I'm currently trying to crack down on my weight issues by sticking to a meat-based diet once more, adding some veggies with dinner if I want them. Today I had beef sausages for breakfast and lunch, some salmon sashimi when I arrived home from work, and then a BAS of silverbeet, onion, garlic and mushrooms, sautéed in butter. Since a more relaxed approach to carb intake and calorie consumption is clearly not working out for me, despite going dairy- and nut-free on top of everything else, I'm getting stricter. No fruit, carbs under 50g (including fibre), and calories under 2000kcal except on more active days. I'm trying to keep my fat intake around 150g per day, which translates to me trying to keep my protein intake at a reasonable level. Time to defrost some lamb chops...

On Mondays, I have my belly dancing class. I'm still really loving it, and am transitioning into learning extended choreography with the girls who have been training for 6+ years! It's a little full-on since they don't teach me the dances step by step; I'm expected to just follow along and do as much as I can. It'll be different when they're not preparing to perform in a festival, and are learning a new dance from scratch. I've bought a few DVDs so that I can learn choreographed sequences from those, for my own enjoyment. IF only I had a more dance-friendly space in my house - the TV is in a room with a low-hanging lampshade - not terribly conducive to arm flourishes!

I'll be skipping meals when I'm not hungry, and I plan to occasionally fat fast through a meal (i.e. take a hit of coconut oil instead of cooking up a full meal). Hopefully these revised efforts, on top of what I hope to be a healed and balanced metabolic/hormonal system, will help kick-start my fat loss once again. I'm sick of being so fat! I want to be able to wear a sexy belly dancing costume, for one thing! A sparkly, embellished bra, with a low-slung hip scarf to match... Yum! At least now I have a bit more of a goal than just to look good naked - if I want to perform on stage, I want to wear the real gear and look hot! I want my shimmies to look controlled and sexy, not like jiggly fat wobbles! I want my 'fish'/'camel' stomach/spine waves to look smooth and gorgeous, not like I'm sticking my gut and my butt out in counterpoint!

I've been running (but not leading) a yoga session each week at my school, and this being the last week of term means this Wednesday is also our last yoga session. I don't think we'll be continuing next term, since attendance has been varied thanks to it being the pointy end of the year, so I'll be going back to my yoga vodcasts and leading myself through sessions at home. If I join the gym where my belly dancing sessions are held (the classes are past of their group fitness offerings despite the teacher being a proper belly dance teacher - I don't feel like I'm paying enough for her expertise! - and cost about the same amount per session as I would pay for a weekly membership there), then I could go to their evening yoga sessions, and maybe even some Pilates, which I used to love. They have a pool, too...

Simon Says...

Stephan Guyenet says... Dogen Zenji says... The world is complex, as our are bodies and our environments, so keep your nutritionism and reductionism in context.

Pål Jåbekk & Matt Stone say... Think positive! It's good for you!

Ned Kock from Health Correlator says... When we consider the China Study data, we see wheat is associated with some pretty evil stuff, and rice isn't great either, but it's hard to define why...

Mark Sisson says... You don't have to live with joint pain!

JP from Primal Journal says... Carbohydrates in large quantities and from bad sources are to be avoided.

& Girl Gone Primal says... Ciao!

Shimmy & Shake!

I think I may have been born a dancer but in the wrong kind of body - at least going by today's rail-thin dancer physique. I used to dance quite a bit in my younger years, and when I was a University student I spent a lot of time in group fitness classes, dancing around, punching the air, doing high kicks... You get my drift. Boppy cardio, nothing muscular - even my legs wouldn't really feel a burn.

Since discovering the importance of strength training and the down-side of endurance exercise, I had been playing around with HIIT, Tabata, CrossFit... And, to be honest, I found them all pretty boring. Grunting and sweating and stop-starting? Bleh.

So I started playing around with the more-lyrical-yet-bloody-difficult art of Yoga, which I'm really enjoying, but it too started to get a bit 'samey'.


Enter belly dancing.

I've only been to two classes, but I'm apparently a natural, and everything just feels natural - my body was meant to move this way. It's still hard work, especially on the always-bent legs, always-raised arms, and always-undulating abs. It's great for back flexibility, and reverses the tension I build up in my shoulders and neck when I spent long periods at my desk.

However, the real delight I gain from the classes is the deep-rooted, primal urge I feel when performing the movements. There's something absolutely instinctual about this manner of moving. It's nowhere near the airy-fairy feeling of ballet and aerobics - this sensation is rooted in the earth, and my head is flooded with feminine imagery and feminine connections.

Another bonus - having boobs and bum is actually a bonus, since they emphasise my smaller waist as I shake and drop my hips and shimmy my shoulders! There are two twiglets in my class, and you really can't see what they're trying to do. It's all about the figure 8 - and I'm not talking about the movement!

I could push myself to exercise even if I wasn't enjoying it, since I know how important activity is for health - but why force yourself to do something you don't love? Belly dancing doesn't feel like work - actually, it feels more like sex. ;) And with the mad group of girls I'm dancing with on Mondays, that's the usual topic of conversation! Without over-romanticising the practice, I think belly dancing is the closest I'll get to the way traditional societies operate: women have their activities and rituals, the tribal instincts drive interactions, there's a fire for dancing around, and many reasons to celebrate...

And - let's face it - most guys would rather watch a curvy woman with an exposed midriff shimmy and shake than some boyish twig bounce around in glo-mesh. It's just natural.